Diets start on Mondays!
Hello, welcome to Amber is Winning it!
Today is Wednesday, June 9th. I meant to start working on this little project of mine on Monday, so two days ago. And with “little project” I mean documenting my change of lifestyle, change of my relationship to food and physical activity, and the relationship I have with my own body and mental health issues.
Despite what I called today’s journal entry, I am by no means just starting a diet. I feel as though what’s commonly known as being on a diet is just a quick fix. My life requires some hard work, sweat, tears and maybe even blood, we will see.
I massively struggle with me relationship to food. I am unable to pin-point exactly what is wrong with me, but I have unusually strong emotions connected to my eating habits. Just last night, when I decided to order take out for dinner, my heart was set on a specific chicken dish from a certain Japanese restaurant in the city. I was feeling depressed and exhausted, and this dish would have cheered me up. When they were closed, I hadn’t realized how late it was, I tried to order a substitute curry dish from our second favourite Japanese restaurant. /sigh They were closed, too. What happened in my brain then is kind of hard to explain. I was figuratively wiped off my feet, a little sad, and for a while just plain confused. I was emotionally lost. This reaction drove my husband crazy, but I think if you don’t know what it’s like when your brain uses food for emotional stability and therefor sort of dependents on it, then you wouldn’t understand the impact these things have.
I hate it. I hate that this is happening to me all the time. I hate how I get depressed when I am making a healthy food choice and a part of me feels as though I am missing out on something comforting and soothing. I hate how I am currently unable to find a balance between enjoying what I eat and looking at it as fuel that my body needs, and enjoying a treat every now and then like most healthy people do. However, even though I might complain about this screwed relationship to food every now and then, I decided to look at it from a more analytical point of view. It is what it is, and complaining about it and wishing it away won’t bring me health and happiness in the long run.
Ultimately I need to learn ways to deal with these problems instead of a) trying to eradicate them with unrealistic and drastic measures and b) beating myself up about it as if I was an inherently bad person all together.
This journey is supposed to be a positive one. I am doing something good for myself, and I plan to succeed despite set backs. The name of this website and my project represents my positive outlook on this lifestyle change. My first idea of a name was “Amber is Losing it”. I thought it was a neat play on words, as I am going to lose weight and I am sort of losing my mind about my current situation. It was my husband that convinced me to change the name. He agreed that it’s a neat name, but what do I do when I succeed and nothing is left to lose, but things are only left to gain? He said that so far my life and mental state has been solely around the struggles, hardships and shortcomings, why not start something positive this time around?
He is right. So here it is, Amber is Winning it! Please join my on my journey to health and happiness. I will post journal type entries like this, as well as progression logs, recipe ideas, and anything I can think of that might be worth sharing. Also feel free to follow my Instagram account, which will reflect my journey, just in less detail.